Last year it was the coldest it has ever been on my birthday and I spent the day before worrying about things that would be better left disregarded up front. A conversation with Daniel made me realize that I should never worry about something that is so important to me, for it will always always always make things worse than they would have been otherwise. It was the first birthday in many years that had me try to shove away those thoughts before they could evolve, and still it was hard to disregard the fact that it was cold and I wasn’t home and that so many little things can go wrong.
A year later, I found myself knowing that everything would be okay a few days before my actual birthday, and I believe it had a lot to do with what I had experienced last year. I spent this year’s birthday with a few of my favourite people and although I had a headache and time seemed to pass as fast as ever, I had a lovely day and for the first time in so many years of worrying too much about it, I just smiled whenever I thought of how much I wanted my birthday to be perfect. Because suddenly I realized that perfect was not what I needed — on my special day, I just needed to be okay. And on September 17, 2014, I was.